My Vice President
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The New York World
My very first thought about Sarah Palin? That would be: “I want to have sex with her.” Want to lick that face and drool on it like a dog.
I found an old clip of her on Charlie Rose. Wow, she can sure keep up with Charlie, no problem! Dodged that one nicely. What a delightful nose!
Then during her speech at the convention: No cleavage? No fair. Slurp slurp.
O.K., I’m only going to say this once: Sarah Palin is much better-looking, smarter, wiser and savvier than 99.5 percent of the hysterical New York City liberal chicks whining about “scary” and “mean” Republicans. Oh yes didn’t she look terrifying holding her lil’ baby—what a step back for womyn. Get over it, pussycat.
Democrats are going to lose and blame America, but I’m going to have a ball on election night like I did in 2004 when W. cleaned John Kerry’s clock. Went to The Palm steakhouse. Media elite party. Everyone acting like it’s the end of the world—except for me. Ha! Suckers! Moved on to Red Rock West, where the barmaid poured shots down my throat; I danced around with a pool cue. I took my one-man celebration over to the Daily Show party. Everyone there stunned, muted. Not me. Ha! Screaming “Whooo!” and “Wheeee!” I sat on some kind of plastic horsey, pretending to ride it. Giddy-yap pony! Some random girl came over and gave me a quick smooch—not bragging, just sayin’. Then I interviewed Stephen Colbert at the urinal.
I was thinking about Sarah Palin yesterday. You want this? O.K., here you go: I was looking out the window. Hands outside the pants! Thinking about her. I want her to take care of me. Nurse! Climb into bed with me and watch movies, cuddle, laugh, play footsie. I see she had a tanning bed installed in the Governor’s mansion. That means no tan lines. Mmmm, me likey!
She could make me a great big stack of pancakes! Camping! Take a pontoon plane, go fishing for walleyes and northern pike. Listen to the loons. In the morning, she’d chase away a bear, then get back into the sleeping bag with me. Her husband can come along, too, I guess. Don’t want to see his dick.
Or Sarah and I could hang in New York. Show her around. Start off at the Regency Hotel, maybe get a kiss on the cheek. Got in trouble doing that once. Don’t want any publicists or handlers or scary earpiece guys listening to everything, reading my mind. Just the two of us in a big suite. Then she waits in the sitting room while I take a bubble bath—I like to lay in the tub for a half-hour with the shower water beating down on me, I invented that—we go bar hopping. Start at Yogi’s on the Upper West Side and work our way down to the Patriot in Tribeca. Or stay in the suite…
What the hell is wrong with me? Sarah Palin’s making me crazy. I’ll bet she’s making you crazy, too.
On a Friday night I decided I’d hit some bars and see if others shared my creepy, perverted thoughts.
Outside Milady’s Bar, two middle-aged men were smoking. “She’s fit, good-looking,” said Adam Walker, a photographer from Australia. “Do you care about her policies?”
“Noooo,” said the other man, Antonio Russo, a caterer from Brooklyn who likes to think of taking Sarah Palin to a sushi bar and eating sushi off her body exotically. He added he’d also like to rent a brownstone in Brooklyn Heights, light a fire and sip some cognac with her.
I told him I would like to smell her.
“Absolutely,” said Tony.
At a lounge on Prince Street, I bumped into Jeff Bercovici, the media columnist at Portfolio magazine. He does not want to have sex with Sarah Palin, who reminds him of older women he grew up around in Wisconsin. Next Page >
George: you are a freak. Check your meds...
What a pervert! Obviously you don't care about the country you live in and how it is run.
Nicely written, and yet I want to barf. I'm sure there's a publicly sponsored program that can intervene to help you.
George,
Thanks for writing about the thing we all think about but lack the balls to write about. I don't like her, but I'd do her.
Disturbed.
Disturbed.
and the point of this piece is:
sarah palin is attractive but alaskan.
is this right?
now three more: mccain is a maverick
but old; biden is a loose cannon but commutes,
and obama is a heartthrob but elite.
as with my response to that infamous new yorker cover of the obamas, this "column" forces me to reassess my sense of humor, my id, my self-knowledge, etc. having done so, the article is just not funny. maybe editing it down to a sentence or two would have eliminated the bad taste and raised legitimate questions. but, observer editors, why in the world did you publish this?
I can't imagine you would even think about this with a woman as hot as Hillary right next to you. Back to the shrink - your meds aren't interacting right. Plus. This wasn't even snarky, much less funny.
Who wrote this article? sounds like it was a 13 year old boy.
She reminds me of older women from Wisconsin as well - two women, specifically:
1) My mother-in-law, a Bible-molesting, self-righteous pedophile who listens only to Rush Limbaugh; and,
2) My stepmother-in-law, who is too juiced most of the time to even know this is an election year, much less anything about the issues.
Wisconsinites, both!
But, you know, it's probably just the accent..you know...the fixin' the economy and such as.
Gosh. 40-year olds are funny! I'm glad Gurley is still "shocking." Hee hee. Try Reader's Digest.
George PLEASE WRITE MORE!!! I need to read more....how about a whole NOVEL about this hot ass REAL conservative woman?!?!! im just sayin, its about time feminism got a new face...and it happens to be S-E-X-Y to boot!! HELLS YEH!
So these two gals were vying to be vice president: they both were smart, had been small town mayors, pleasant smiles, liked to hunt, pro-life, didn´t no shit about foreign policy. So which one should I choose? The One With The Biggest Tits! JaJaJaJaaaaaaa
The Palin pick by McInsane reminds me of just about everything that is wrong with the Country right now: Fast Food, xbox instead of after school sports, super sizing, shop and let the government handle it, religious fanatics, ethanol, lousy education system, failing infrastructure, wrong war and worst of all how the Republican Party continues to wag things in the voters faces that mean absolutely nothing in order to take their eyes off of their failed policies and the all the poor slobs who continue to fall for it.
Is this April 1 or was I hijacked to a Facebook page?
George..end of the world? we just missed it by a hair and we still have a BIG mess From your boy Georgie Bush and the republican think tank(is that a oxymoron) and thinking of Tanks Your Boy hasn't quite figured out what to do in Iraq either and as far as your girl Sarah shes marching into Russia and showing them a thing or two
Very very funny and spot on -- the more they shriek the harder I laugh. Keep it coming, George.
...blah blah blah... What's good for the gander is good for the goose. I PERSONALLY WOULD like to see her husbands dick! Talk about HOT... C'mon George Gurley...YOU KNOW how many times it's been all up where you want to go! And you can't convince otherwise ... not only that, but also how many times his spray of seed has drenched that womb successfully...! Yeah, that dick (that you unconvincingly "claim" to not want to see...) MUST be a nice one... Wow oh wow...would like to take him out snow-mobiling...we could stop at a glorious Alaskan vista -- I would fall to my knees and while you were out "hiking" on mount Sarah, I would cover for you by letting her husband PLUNGE MY DEPTHS...grabbing his peach fuzz ass cheeks and pulling him in tight!!! Then, after Obama WINS this November, I would go running around to FOX news and piss the whole crew off with my rosy afterglow of Palins HUSBANDS uh, attention... -- riding MY imaginary horse the SAME WAY I RODE PALINS HUSBAND fresh on my mind.....
That's right George Gurley...PRICK UP YOUR EARS AND LISTEN--IF YOU TRUST PALIN ON ALL, THEN IT MUST BE A FUNDAMENTAL TRUTH THAT SHE OBVIOUSLY AGREES WITH ME ON THIS ONE (especially judging from the results) AND THAT HE MUST HAVE A VERY NICE DICK TO MATCH HER QUALITIES THAT HAVE SO EQUALLY ENGORGED YOUR SENSE OF PATRIOTISM!!! I MEAN, YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE SOME MISOGYNIST DICK DO YOU??? ACTUALLY, YOUR'S IS ONE THAT PALIN AND MOST PEOPLE COULD PROBABLY LIVE WITHOUT---JUST LIKE YOUR PATHETIC ARTICLE....
Six paragraphs into this vomitous article, I checked the byline. Gurley, of course. From now on, I'll look for the writer's name before reading each story. As a subscriber, I'm really disappointed that print space gets wasted on this man's garbage.
The most bloody brilliant insightful analysis I've read on Palin thus far!
--A hysterical liberal chick
Sick.
Hope the secret service does its job and visits you soon.
You are one sick puppy, man.